Bike of Wight – Friday 26^th and Saturday 27^th June

The 1^st summer outing of 2009 was eagerly awaited, coming as it did at the end of June and in Southern England, meaning decent weather was surely guaranteed.

Once more they came from all corners of the UK to rendezvous at Chez Greenleaf, Matt and Leon came from the north, via a deluge in Birmingham, Steve from Reading, Andy from London and Martin from a day at Wimbledon.

Friday evening took the form of a delightful barbeque provided by Mr and Mrs Leaf, and a rather entertaining game of WipeOut which became a bit addictive. Martin arrived a close to midnight, with no lights and having ventured onto the dual carriageway on his way. The things people do for extra miles!

Saturday came and, after Leaf and Leon had completed the obligatory morning run, allowing Gaunt to faff to his hearts content, we almost left on time.

Steve ‘Two Jeans’ Woonton had two problems however. Firstly he wasn’t convinced his fitness would allow him to cover the proposed (Winchester, remember) distance of 80 miles. Therefore he had decided to tag onto the autobus to Winchester station, and train it into Southampton, meeting us at the docks. Secondly, he had new shoes and pedals, which were a bit unfamiliar. To prove this, after two pedal strokes he promptly keeled over to the ground a mere 5m into the cycle.

With Steve dispatched to Winchester, the pace began to wind up, and there was ambitious talk of beating him to the Docks. This went out of the window when Leaf swerved, without warning, around a large stone, allowing Baptiste the pleasure of the resultant puncture when it became unavoidable. Team MMX is adept a dealing with such incidents now, though Gaunt took on a strictly supervisory role, whilst returning texts to the on-the-move Woonton.

Following this delay, we were soon on the outskirts of Southampton, and an electric pace was set on the road into the city, the smooth tarmac proving ideal. Machine had helpfully purchased two walkie-talkies for this trip, and as Steve had one, this proved useful for communication as to which dock to go to. Over the course of the weekend, they also proved useful for intercepting the internal boat communications, and somebody’s Motorcycle Driving Test!

The weather to this point had been overcast and cool, but once the boat drifted into the Solent, this incredibly changed for the better, and the clouds dispersed and the sun stuck down, so it was time to apply the sun cream. More Wipeout was played, subjects including Rivers of Britain, Car Makes, Supermarkets and other thrilling genres.

Before we knew it, we disembarked onto the island at East Cowes and we were off. Or we would have been had Martin not picked up the days second puncture within half a mile. Following another quick change (what would we do without Machine?), it was off onto a good 90 minutes of solid cycling pre lunch, which took us east and out onto the coast near Brading. It was a very undulating ride, with long ups and solid downhills, really proving a good test early doors, and this set the scene for the rest of the day – there was not much flat to be gained. Come 1pm, thoughts turned to lunch, and whilst we were looking for something more substantial than a teashop, the quaintness factor was still high on the agenda.

As a result, despite the town on Sandown being a couple of miles away, Leaf decided that the sign for a pub/restaurant at a left turn was worth pursuing, three previous outlets having been rejected. What wasn’t immediately obvious was that the pub was over a mile away, up a long, long hill. This blew the team apart, and led to much cursing and weaving on the road. I would say the views were worth it, but that would be a revision of the facts, as at the time that wasn’t the primary opinion.

Then came the ‘dog shit’ incident. Martin, having taken his shoes off, to reveal his pristine white socks, went to retrieve something from his bike. A squelch, and the sock was soiled. In typical Gaunt style, there wasn’t the back up of sockwear that, say, 2 Jeans would carry, and so this did prove a problem.

Following a hearty lunch, it was back on the road, and through the seaside town of Sandown and the adjacent Shanklin, and up a really big climb of Church Hill. It was quite hot at this point, which made a change from previous MMX outings, but really added to the exertions! A long down hill and a trip round the Ventnor one-way system, were shadowed by the thought that the must be a long up hill coming soon…

There was, after we had paced through the non-PC village of Blackboy, and hit the southern coast for good, travelling parallel for a good 10 miles. Some good speed was attained on the downhills, and a very good rolling speed for all the team on the flat bits.

This deserved reward, and it came in the shape of an ice cream van in a car park by the beach. Some of the car park had fallen into the sea previously, which led to an interesting recap of GCSE geography.

It wasn’t far to the hostel now, but there was, predictably, one more hill to overcome. We then came across some other cyclists in the lanes near to the Hostel, which meant one more surge to overtake these ‘rivals’. But the drive into the hostel car park was far too steep to negotiate.

An evening meal in the local gastro-pub rounded off the day as the sea fog rolled in from the coast, and Martin had some trouble getting what he ordered. An early night was called for and didn’t prove much of a problem, with Gaunt predictably snoring before some of us had even shut our eyes….

Day 1 Stats:

• Miles: 65(shoddy)
• Casualties: 0
• Breakdowns: 0
• Punctures: 2
• Trains: 1
• Forecourts: 0
• Quaint Tea Shops Pubs on top of big hills: 1
• Haziness Rating: 1, but that was only the fog
• MMX Training Rating: 8/10 – Great weather and hills, though slightly lacking in mileage

Useful Phrases:

• ‘That Geordie Guy’
• ‘Undulating’
• ‘I’ve just stepped in some dog shit’
• ‘Crackle….Machine to Two Jeans…over…where are you…crackle…’

Bike of Wight – Sunday 28^th June

Day two was to be complex, involving as it did a ferry back to the mainland, some additional early morning colouring in on the Lymington Pier to god-knows-where branch line for Leon, a cycle (what we were there for after all!) through the New Forest back to Chez Leaf’s, before we all disappeared back to the four corners of the country. Leaf had also scheduled a morning 8 mile hilly run (to The Needles and back), but that goes without saying.

Such days require substantial breakfasts, but nobody had told the YHA (certainly not Greenleaf who failed to book us breakfasts the night before). Undeterred, the pioneering Two Jeans eventually struck a cereal deal with the less-than-enterprising battleaxe of the hostel manager. Gaunt and Leaf did likewise, not without conflict, though several mid morning pastries would prove necessary for Gaunt to safely reach lunch.

The morning’s Totland to Yarmouth 5 mile prologue behind us, we caught the ferry to Lymington, notable only for the captain’s insistence on navigating extremely close to several junior sailing boats. Perhaps Machine’s walkie-talkies were jeopardising shipping communication, but they did prove useful relocating Leon at Lymington Pier, fresh from his railway exploits.

Heading north out of Lymington, a peloton- in the form of another group of lycra-clad cyclists- soon swallowed us up and then, well, dropped us. One can only assume they were planning a less challenging route than our own (slightly modest) 55 Winchester miles back to Winchester. Egos were soothed once we accelerated past an old woman on a shopping bike.

Our route cut a swathe across the New Forest, with Leaf recalling his half marathon victory on these roads a year or two prior. We passed through a few towns, including Lyndhurst, which led to an inevitable discussion of Rodney Trotter. It was serene progress, in glorious sunshine, and with the company of the wild horses that roam the National Park. This of course meant plenty of cattle grids, which Gas Man insisted on walking across. This left him off the pace on occasion, particularly when Machine was the tete de la course, and setting a ferocious pace.

On one such occasion, motoring along a main-ish road, Two Jeans suddenly veered off onto the verge. For once, he was not citing human breakdown but, as Machine licked his lips in anticipation, a major mechanical breakdown. This was not of South Walian-Forecourt proportions, but it was serious nonetheless. The fact that Gaunt is unable to provide detail on the precise mechanical fault itself points to his lack of hands-on support, but he can recall Machine suggesting breaking the chain and then putting it back together. This sounded like something our mechanic would do for fun in his garage on Sunday mornings, and Two Jeans was right to veto it in favour of another solution (not sure what). 45 minutes later, with Machine and Leaf covered in so much oil they looked like residents of Blackboy, the problem was fixed. In the meantime, Steve had busied himself trotting across the road in a camp fashion, much to the amusement of Baptiste.

The mechanical delay meant that the proposed tea shop stop was cancelled, and we pushed on through the forest. Progress was briefly interrupted by the need to cross the A31 at Stoney Cross. This was practically like running across a motorway, and provided some useful, if dangerous, running-with-bikes transition training. There was then the usual heated debate over lunch venue and timing. Gaunt was keen on a kind-of upmarket garden centre cafe, the landscaped gardens raising the quaintness quotient, which also made it attractive to Woonton. Baptiste was holding out for a working men’s club serving spam and chips, but relented once he heard (via walkie-talkie communication from the advance party) the cafe was licensed (before then inexplicably deciding against a beer). Lunch was good, certainly better than the triple grot-burger of the day before, and we were on our way again.

But not for very long, as the unambitious mileage for the day meant that we were soon heading into Winchester. Gaunt broke off from the group so as to catch the train back to the big smoke, while the others continued on down the road to King’s Worthy. Farewells were said: Next stop Lake District: the Third Annual Training Week, sponsored by Pete Bland Sports and the Met Office.

Day 2 Stats:

• Miles: 55 (sure, we’re ironmen...)
• Casualties: 0
• Breakdowns: 1
• Punctures: A rare clean sheet overshadowed by the breakdown
• Trains: Numerous, esp for Leon
• MMX Training Rating: 2/10 – If we think a 55 mile canter through the New Forest will prepare us for the enormity of Ironman France, we’re kidding ourselves. Good fun though.

Poor day for quotes:

• “Nicholas Lyndhurst”
• ‘We could break your chain and put it back together again’